I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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