she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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