You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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