Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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