so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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