She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
