oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize