this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
