I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
