Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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