thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
