yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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