i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
