I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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