i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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