I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
