i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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