the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
