did you get engaged???
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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