someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
