Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
