I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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