You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
