In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize