Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
