So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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