I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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