Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like iHOP with fire
He felt like a one man threesome
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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