wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
