I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
