my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
