So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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