Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know her cup size but not her name....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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