she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize