I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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