we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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