i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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