yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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