Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
