i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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