I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
