your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
