So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
