Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
