he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
