Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
