It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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