My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize