I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
