Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
