I wish I only lived at night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
