What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
