Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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