Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
