I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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