Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
