i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
