I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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