Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
