We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
