Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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