I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
