Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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