He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
we should paint friendship bongs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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