are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
