All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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