she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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