chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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